The Coffee garden

The first thing you need to know is that I have little patience. Translated to the garden, I do something first and then I ask questions later. This is going to be a theme of Garden FAIL and, in all honesty, it's probably the cause of most of my failures in the garden. I know this in advance and yet, I still proceed. Why? Don't know. The Beau of today obviously doesn't care about the Beau of tomorrow enough to do necessary research.

This brings me to the coffee garden. As you can see from the pictures, I have recently purchased a beverage at Starbucks. After listening to faux acid jazz tracks in the corner of the room, I glanced over at the counter and noticed a sign which read 'Free coffee ground for your garden'. Long story short, ten minutes later, I was hauling five bags of coffee grind out the front door and into my car.

When I got home, I sprinkled it all onto my vege patch with no regard for what my garden could cope with or what it would even do to my garden. It wasn't until after I'd emptied about 50kgs of grind onto my brassicas that I thought the acidity of the coffee would be an issue. So I read the packaging.

Starbucks assured me that after roasting the coffee, the acidity was cooked out, leaving the acidity relatively neutral. But something told me that Starbucks had not conducted an intensive investigation into verifying this claim, and since they were giving this stuff away for nothing, something inside me told me that Starbucks didn't care about the state of my silverbeet. Nor did it even mention how often I am to apply this stuff and in what quantity. After sitting with this thought for a while, it dawned on me that they were probably happy to see the back of me; hauling out their rubbish that they were no longer responsible for.

On the upside, my whole garden smelt like espresso for an entire weekend. I should research the benefits of coffee ground to my garden. I'll use the internet. because that's not bound to be unverifiable hearsay. It's good enough for impatient farmer Beau. Worst case scenario, I will have salted the earth for 100 years with coffee ground and the only thing ill be able to successfully grow will be spinnifex and fucking nettle.